Tuesday, March 4, 2014

Guest story: From the outside looking in

Sometimes, being a friend to someone who has lost a baby (or many babies) is a really hard thing. It's not the same kind of hard as losing your own child. But it can be difficult.
Just tonight I had a conversation with a pregnant friend. She, in all likelihood, will get to keep her baby. And as happy as I am for her, her pregnancy has put a strain on our relationship. Both of us are doing the best we can to meet each other where we are at. We are trying to be understanding and supportive.
I suppose it would be really easy to judge me, and say that I'm bitter. But I'm not. If I were bitter, I wouldn't be trying. But I am.
I'm grateful for the perspective anonymous has given us on what it's like to be an outsider looking in. I hope that all of us, on both sides of the coin, can learn to be more supportive and understanding of each other.

A dear, sweet friend shared your post after her third miscarriage (2 boys, 1 girl).
I have never had to deal with the loss of a baby.
The Good Lord has blessed me with two wonderful babies. However, many of my friends have had miscarriages.
As an "outsider," it's hard to understand what exactly these strong women are going through. I'm just as guilty as most in thinking that "it was God's plan" and "it happened for a reason." Your story helps pave the way of beginning to understand what my friends (and other women) are going through.
During my second pregnancy, 2 of my friends went through miscarriages, in their first trimester. We were all 3 due within a couple weeks of each other.
One had a set of twin boys just 6 months old when she found out she was expecting. My other friend has had a second miscarriage, since the first, and is having problems coping. We haven't seen or spoken to each other in weeks/months, not by lack of trying on my part.
It's hard for me to understand why this happened when I carried and delivered mine. I hope to be more understanding towards them now and in the future, should another friend be faced with this.
Thank you for sharing your life and giving us a bit of perspective into these grieving mother's emotions. 

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