Friday, January 13, 2012

Let me count the ways . . .

Baby O,

Tonight, I cry because I miss you. I know I didn't know you, but there's still this hole in my heart where you belong.

I grieve because on this side of heaven . . .

I will never gaze into your newborn eyes and wonder what you're thinking.

I will never nurse you to sleep.

I will never kiss your tiny hands or tiny toes.

I will never rock you to calm you down.

I will never sing you a lullaby.

I will never feel your body in mine.

I will never announce to the world the miracle of your birth.

I will never dress you up in the cutest little outfits.

I will never hear you say funny things.

I will never know the friendship between you and your sister.

I will never hear you girls giggle together.

I will never watch Maddy try to take care of you as your "mommy."

I will never see an ultrasound of you in my tummy.

I will never celebrate the anticipation of your arrival with friends.

I will never be able to see you on your wedding day.

I will never even know if you for sure are a she!

I will never watch as my belly grows.

I will never have people ask when you are due.

I will never  give you your first bath.

I will never see you and Maddy run through sprinklers and eat popsicles.

I will never know what foods you love, and what you won't eat.

I will never know your sweet, sweet smile.

I will never have your arms around my neck.

I will never have your tears to wipe away.

I will never have an owie to kiss.

I will never know if you are a mommy's girl or a daddy's girl.

I will never see your daddy hold you close.

I will never put your hair in pigtails.

I will never know if you are strong-willed like Madelyn, or more complacent and content like me.

I will never watch your talents grow.

I will never see your love for Jesus.

I will never watch as grandmas and grandpas, aunts and uncles, coo over just how precious you are.

I will never whisper "I love you" as you sleep tight in your crib.

I will never know you this side of heaven -- but I will never forget you either.

All my love, Baby Girl,

Mommy

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