Saturday, January 3, 2015

Reminders of truth

Hi friends. 

Yesterday I needed love and support. I asked for it, and so so got it. Thank you.

I also needed a good cry, and I got that too. ;)

But I also needed truth.

You may recall that not so long ago, I wrote a blog that went somewhat viral about letting go. About how getting attached is not a good enough reason to not foster.

I believe it as much then as I do now.

The truth is, the right thing sometimes hurts. But it still might be the right thing.

A few of my friends reminded me of this truth. 

"It's not about you."

"You don't know God's plan."

"Your time with Z will have purpose, even if your time with him ends."

"Sometimes it's about rescuing a family, and not just rescuing a baby."

All of which I can agree with.

Yesterday reality sunk in. Yesterday, I realized I will likely say good-bye. Yesterday, I needed to cry the tears and let go of the stress and overwhelming feeling of "I can't do this."

Today, I realized I cannot afford to hurt for the next 6 months. I can't view it as a ticking time bomb. Instead, I need to be grateful for every single day we get him. 

I long to live this journey with the grace I have seen so many others live out before me. I long to show faith, and love and trust. I long to be the person you all can relate to -- not because I always am crying over something and always write through my tears -- but because there is something that unites us. 

A grief for our children who died. A faith that we'll see them again. A hope that infertility is not the end of us. A choice to love hurting kids. And maybe that choice to let go.

For all of you who showed support by crying with me, thank you.

For those who told me they can't imagine how I feel, but are praying for me ... Thank you.

And for those who gently reminded me of truth ... That I am to be faithful right now in what God has called me to, whatever that may be... Thank you.

I will continue to ask (beg, really), that as you think of Z and his mom and the judge and all the people making decisions on his behalf ... Please pray.

Pray that he is always safe. That he is always loved. That he comes to know Jesus. That his time with us is not for nothing.

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