Monday, April 7, 2014

Carrie's Story: Breaking the silence on recurrent pregnancy loss


Carrie,

Thank you so much for opening up on all the taboo topics -- including the death of your two precious babies. I know that breaking the silence IS helping others.

Much love to you,

Rachel



I just finished reading your blog post, "Why miscarriage matters when your pro-life." I read it outloud to my husband while we were driving and we were both in tears by the end of it.

In November, I just lost my second baby. We named him "Tobin"... a name we had already picked out before we knew things weren't looking good. It means "God is good." It was hard to continue with the name, but we had been calling him Tobin from the beginning. I lost him at 12 weeks. 

Baby Tobin -- "God is good"

 
Rewind a year and a half earlier and we were pregnant with "Mizpah" which comes from a bible verse in Genesis that states that the Lord will watch over us while we are seperate from one another. We lost her at 6 weeks. 

I have no earthly children, but two precious babies in heaven.

Rewind even earlier, to fall of 2009. My husband and I just got married. We waited until marriage to have sex, but unfortunately found out on our wedding night that sex was not possible. We went to several doctors to finally we receive an accurate diagnosis of Vaginismus. After many failing treatments I finally was cured in the summer of 2011. 

We were 'pure' until marriage -- I felt I deserved to have a good sex life. We endured having a sexless marriage for two years -- I felt I deserved to have an easy pregnancy and beautiful babies. In the midsts of these trials I have, and continue to battle, anxiety and depression. 

I feel I have been through the fire, but the issues I have dealt with/deal with -- vaginismus, miscarriage and mental health issues -- are taboo and unacceptable to talk about. That is why your article hit a chord so strong in me. Pro-life advocates and churches, rightfully so, get up on their high horse about abortion but yet fail to reach out those right in front of their faces who have lost a precious baby just like those who are aborting.

I don't know the right way advocate for the memories of our miscarried babies, or to advocate for the mothers who grieve alone because they do not feel validated by their loss ... but if sharing my story can bring us one step closer, I am more then willing to do so.




To read more about Carrie and her husband, visit her blog The Waiting Wamplers. She has a few beautiful, heart-rending posts about her losses.
 

 

2 comments:

  1. I am so sorry for your losses. I dealt with vaginismus too, though not as long. I remember thinking all the same things on our awful honeymoon--we waited, so we deserve this! Same when I miscarried. There are good reasons to wait, but perfect wedding night sex and healthy pregnancies aren't on the list:( I pray you will find a rainbow soon.

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  2. I too suffer(ed) from vaginismus. I waited til I was married too! It seems to be a reoccurring theme here. I would love to chat with you girls. I started dating my hubby in 2001. Got married in 2005. No sex. It was so embarrassing. I felt like I was just a wimp and couldn't take the pain of the first time. My dr in 2006/2007 didn't offer much hope. My hub had an affair in 2010. It caused me to get help. Face the issue. I switched dr and he "just so happened God Thing)" to have picked up a flyer that week for a women's health- pelvic floor dysfunction- therapy. Long story short, after 8 months of therapy we are having pain free sex!!! Woohoo! I'm wondering if waiting to have sex (although good- faith based) maybe waiting longer I psyched myself out so mentally I affected myself physically as years passed and I anticipated it hurting. We are in the process of trying to get pregnant but right now just enjoying sex! :-). Feel free to email me mrsmontjoy@yahoo.com
    Emily Montjoy

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