Alicia's Story: An update

You may remember Alicia's story that I posted a few months ago, of 9 years of infertility and a stillbirth at 22 weeks. Many of you shared an outpouring of support for her.

 

Recently, she sent me a little update, and said I could pass it along.

 

I am hopeful and excited to see what this new chapter brings her. Below, she shares her latest news . . .

 

Rachel

 

 

This past November, I had the privilege of sharing the story of my stillborn son Kenneth born at 22 weeks.

 

 

 

Grieving throughout the holidays seemed unbearable and I thought my husband and I would never get over our loss. I had begun to think that all hope was lost in my marriage, and most important, for me to conceive. My husband and I had begun to seek out infertility specialists expecting to have difficulties getting pregnant again. I mentally tortured myself thinking that it would take as much as 9 years to have a baby again. I constantly asked myself, "Would you go through the same ordeal you endured trying to conceive Kenneth?" My answer is yes. I'd give my life to have my child living on this Earth.

 

Our son came to me in my dreams last night. What a vision! What a sight it was to see him with a halo over his head and with wings spread open behind his back. He was holding this glowing light and without saying a word, I heard him "say," "Here's a gift."

 

 

Now I didn't know what this gift was, or when I'd exactly receive it, but I just knew I couldn't wait for it to arrive. When I awakened I had this overwhelming feeling to take a pregnancy test. My husband luckily invested in keeping some handy around the house (just in case). I was already three days late although I kept fooling myself in thinking that my period would be irregular for a while after the stillbirth.

 

 

Upon learning, just this morning, that I'm pregnant again has me so confused. I'm experiencing a mixed emotion of elation and grief. It's such a difficult thing to understand when I keep telling myself don’t get excited, what happened before might happen again.
 

I've foolishly sworn husband to secrecy. Because my first pregnancy was such a loss to others as well, I'd hate to put them through such a thing again. I might change my mind as time progresses but I don't feel comfortable letting anyone know yet. It shames me some having to do so especially considering how close I am to my mother and sister. Ultimately, I'm prepared for whatever God has in the works.

I just wanted to share my journey in childbirth like you have. Your blog has been a godsend for me. Thank you for listening. Keep my expectant bundle of joy in your prayers.