Thanks so much Stacey for being so open and vulnerable with your faith during your time of loss.
Sending love ...
“When God doesn’t do what we want, it’s not easy. Never has been. Never will be. But FAITH is the conviction that God knows more than we do about this life and He will get us through it.”
~ Max Lucado
As I sit and reflect over the last year, I see where I have truly grown…
My journey began on December 19, 2013. My husband and I were expecting our fifth child (I was 19 weeks and 5 days), at that time; we had 3 children here on earth and one angel baby. We were at the OB for our monthly appointment, on this day; we were going to find out if I was carrying a boy or girl. Little did I know, that I would be leaving that appointment heartbroken/devastated….
The ultrasound started “normal.” She pointed out the cervix and the baby; at that point, I could tell she was having difficulty finding the heartbeat. When the sonogram tech told us she needed to go speak to the doctor, I just knew… I blurted out to my husband, “the baby is dead.” We began praying the Our Father together. Then there was a knock on the door. I remember, just like yesterday, the doctor coming in. The look on his face reassured what I already knew in my heart. He looked at me like a lost puppy dog and said “I am sorry.” I just lost it…
Grief is such an individual journey. Not only does every person experience/deal with grief differently, but also every time a person is faced with a new grief situation, they may experience that journey differently, as I have learned… This journey has been the most difficult journey I have personally had to walk in my life. The first time Jesus called home our unborn baby, I was in a different place… I was 27, had a two and a half year old at home. I’m not saying I did not grieve, trust me I did, but the journey was different… I was almost 10 years younger and I knew that this wasn’t the end; I would be blessed with another baby.
I have heard and read time and time again that God doesn’t give you anything that he will not see you through.
“The will of God will not take us where the grade of God cannot sustain us."
~ Billy Graham
My journey is proof of that… I thank God often for the support system that he arranged for me. Without it, I know my journey would not be the same as the one I am walking today.
One thing that I really want to share with others along their journey of grief is something my priest shared with me and brings me much comfort still today. I was angry with God and my anger with Him was extending out to others. I remember hitting bottom and just crying and feeling so overwhelmed by guilt... I finally sat down and talked with my priest. It was the best thing I could have ever done. He told me it was okay to be angry with God and He gets it! That is why he sent Jesus to earth, so He could understand/relate to what we experience here on earth.
The other thing that we discussed was the fact that walking through the valley of death is a hard and long journey. The valley of death is a place that we all visit along the grief journey. It is normal! The important thing is that we don't stay there forever. We all start finding our way out and even though wemay often keep finding ourselves revisiting that valley of deathon our journey, it is OKAY! As long as we don't stay there for long...
“Even though I walk through the darkest valley. I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, comfort me.” ~ Psalm 23:4
I remember reading about how therapeutic it was to thank the Lord even in our times of sorrow and despair. “Give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus," 1 Thessalonians 5:18.
I thought this was the craziest thing ever!! One day, I thought what the heck, it surly can’t hurt at this point. I can honestly say that I started feeling the most peace when I began thanking God for the time I did have carrying my baby. Even though it sounded weird, I thanked Him daily for the blessings that would come from this tragic event in my life.
“We also have joy with our troubles, because we know these troubles produce patience. And patience produces character and character produces hope.”
~ Romans 5:3-4
My hope for other grieving mothers through the loss of their precious babies through miscarriage is that you know you are not alone. Many women have walked this same walk and you may not even know it. Find someone you can talk with often. Support is key and if you just cannot find that support I am here for you and would be more than blessed to be your ear to listen.
“Specific pain helps us to comfort others specifically. If you have lost a child,
God uses you in the life of another mother as she endures the loss of her child.”
~ Charles Swindoll
God Bless my fellow mothers!