Thursday, November 13, 2014

If you wouldn't say it to a pregnant woman, don't say it to a bereaved one

 
When your loved one has a miscarriage -- knowing what to say, how to say it and when to say it can be tricky. On the one hand, you want to support her in her grief. On the other hand, you want to offer something that will comfort her.

Unfortunately, so many of the things people say are meant with the best of heart, and come out all wrong.

So I wanted to make a quick and easy rule for you.

If you wouldn't say it to a pregnant woman,
don't say it to a bereaved one.

Why?

Because the value of a live baby is just the same as the value of a dead baby.

Because the experience of a miscarriage is just as valid as the experience of a continuing pregnancy.

Because a mom's love and devotion for her kid doesn't go away when the baby dies.





So let's play my little rule out.






 
So what happens when you respond to a pregnancy announcement at 6 weeks in the same way you would to a miscarriage announcement at 6 weeks?




 
 
 
 
Not terribly supportive. Let's try this again . . .


 


 
 
 
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And my personal favorite:

 







Of course, there is always an exception to every rule.



 
 

 
 
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However we are supporting our friend, let's make sure we use words that affirm her baby and her experience.

7 comments:

  1. here from the Round-up. This is spot-on and really gets the message across I think.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks torthuil! Glad you stopped by again :)

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  2. This is so honest! I heard many of these platitudes 49 years ago when my baby died at 13 weeks. It was a heart breaking experience. To this day I remember the one friend who loved and supported me through that dark time. She was there abiding with me. No trying to "make it all better" by saying any of those "foot-in-mouth" standards. I love her to this day.

    Thanks for these words of wisdom. It's about time, families and friends especially, learn this lesson.

    Bless you.

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  3. If only poeple only used the last two!

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  4. I just love this. Just an interesting way to look at it. Nice job.

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