Thursday, June 4, 2015

Frozen

Court is tomorrow.

It's the date we've had set in place for the last 6 months. Inching ever closer, feeling forever away . . . except it's here. It's caught up with us. The day the judge will likely decree that Baby Z goes home.

What can I say? I feel like we are all standing on train track watching a freight train come barreling toward us, and no one can move. I can't protect my baby. I'm not supposed to think of him as my baby.

Maybe this isn't what I am supposed to feel. Or say. Or think. Maybe my perspective is all wrong, and somehow I'm supposed to find joy in this.

I don't.

It's a freight train. That's what it is. Just a freight train.

I am scared and numb. And we're all frozen on the tracks.

8 comments:

  1. I am so sorry you're in this position. I cannot imagine the pain you must be going through. Keeping you in my thoughts today.

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    1. Thanks BabyBlueSunday. I appreciate. it.

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    2. Thanks BabyBlueSunday. I appreciate. it.

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  2. My prayers are with you! As a mother of sweet foster children, I understand the heart-wrenching grief of losing little ones whom you love! You are a wonderful person!!! Hang in there! The Lord loves you and will bless you for the tremendous good you do in the world!

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    1. Thanks for your prayers. They are much appreciated.

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  3. How did it go? Are you doing ok?

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    1. I'm wondering too. Hoping for an update, but honoring the space that R and family are in right now, knowing maybe it's not yet time to share... Wishing for the best all around, mostly for sweet little Z, who understands none of it but the love he has felt from R and her family.

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    2. Hi Mama V, so nice to see you here. I just posted a blog update. I'm doing Okish. As well as I guess you can hope for. I really appreciate your concern.

      And thanks Molly for the support. For whatever reason, I needed space this time before letting others in. Thanks for caring so much for Z.

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