Friday, August 15, 2014

Throwback Thursday

As usual, I am laying in bed, head swarming with thoughts I wish to pen. 

(Is that expression even valid anymore? I'm definitely writing this on my blogger app on my iPhone.)

Ok... So thoughts I wish to iPhone out to you.

First, today is throwback Thursday. And I don't feel like I have to reach back very far to feel like I'm back in the past.

The past where I wore cute clothes. The past where I had time to exercise every day. The past where I slept a whole.freaking.night.long. (What is that even like?!?!? It's been so long it seems...) The past where I'm a strong motivated business women. The past where I had just two kiddoes, and was unsure if we'd ever add a third.

The past ... As in a week ago.

The changes in the last week are obvious.

I wear less make-up. My hair is always in a pony. I have absolutely no idea how to even make a phone call. I am so tired, I incorrectly gave out my social security number AND my husband's cell phone number -- twice. My bedroom has a discernably larger amount of boy's clothing in it. My dishwasher has way more bottles than I have ever (ever) used before. And my fridge has way more yummy, prepared meals than ever. (And yet, I'm definitely not cooking.)

And my heart has grown so much bigger because I get to love on one dear, sweet, insomniac little baby.

TBT -- and it was exactly a week ago we got the call about Baby Z. A week ago I nervously kept my kids at Ryan's softball game -- counting the minutes till we could meet Baby Z. 

A week ago, we packed up the kids at 9 pm to drive out and meet him. And a week ago, exactly at this time, I emailed our social worker to let her know ...


Baby Z hasn't been with us for a full week yet. But it seems that everything, everything has changed. 

Some for the good. 

And some for the bad.  (I miss you Jillian Michaels!!)

I have so much to share about this week. What (very.very.very) little I can share about him. Whether we plan to adopt again ... About how you can help foster kids when you can't foster. And what it's like to "parent" a baby after trying for so long, and grieving so many losses.

So my head is spinning, full of blogposts I long to write. But my baby is sleeping (hallelujah!) which means I should too.

So I will leave you with this:  please pray for Baby Z. For his bio family. For his other family (namely, us Lewises.) Pray for wise doctors, on-it social workers and judges, and doctors with discerning eyes and hearts.

Pray for Baby Z, that no matter how or when, he will end up in a safe, loving and nurturing environment.

And pray that when it is time, our family will have the strength to let go.

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