Pursuit of Purpose: Session 4

New to Pursuit of Purpose? 

Click here for Sessions 1 and 2.

OK, if you're like me, Session 3 was really eye-opening. I started to see how those stories that I had created based on my experiences actually started dictating every avenue in my life.

Fear over my body: Anything and everything (to me anyway) scares me. I have learned to completely distrust my body.

Belief that others won't like what they see if I open up: I apologize for opening up. I guard myself. I don't let others see my passion, I don't speak up, I make lots and lots of relationships, but don't let people in too deep. I guard myself. I try to look pretty all the time. Because somehow I feel that others won't accept a Rachel with a bad hair day or a break out.

I could go on and on. . .  But I just want you to start seeing how your stories might be impacting your own life.

And there is a reason for this. Are you ready for it? (Hint: I actually already told you why. DO you remember?)

We have a very real need in our life.

The need to be right.

And that need trumps every other need or want in our life.

Did you get that?

Our need to be right about our story trumps every other need or want.

I might want to be successful. But in my subconscious need to be RIGHT about not having whatever it takes to be successful undermines my desire for success. At the very heart of my foundation, I believe that I do not deserve success. And I will never out perform my self-portrait.

You will never out perform your self-portrait.

And so it becomes a cycle.

We have an event. We create a story. Then we subconsciously seek out experiences that will validate our story because our need to be right trumps everything else we say we want. And so it goes around and around.

OK, so the need to be right is subconsciously driving our life. Not cool right? At least, not cool if we have the wrong stories in our foundation.



Here's where it gets really awesome.

We can CHOOSE the stories that stay in our foundation.

If we find one that is not serving us, then we can EXCHANGE the story that is not serving us for one that is.




Now it's back to diagramming. I want you to draw your house again on a CLEAN SHEET OF PAPER. Draw out the columns. And on the left side, write in your experiences.


Now, on the right side, I want you to EXCHANGE your story for one that will serve you.


Here are mine:

Now it's your turn.

Create a story that is equally true, equally valid -- but SERVES you.







Once you have finished, again I want you to take some time. Listen to some music. Pray, And then decide.

Decide if you want to live your life with your first sheet of paper. Or if you want to live your life with your second set of stories that will serve you.

And don't just decide.

Physically get rid of that first sheet. Tear it up. Burn it. Get it away from you.

Now friends. Now we are ready. You are ready.

WE are choosing to get our foundation right. And we are ready to move on to finding and pursuing our purpose.

Hold on tight girls. Hold on tight. So much is ahead.


Love you all. So proud to call you friends and to be on this journey with you.

Pursuit of Purpose: Session 3

New to Pursuit of Purpose? 

Click here for Sessions 1 and 2.

For starters, I want you to know that this blog is not one you'll want to read while cooking, driving, tending to kids, or taking a 5-min breather at work.

This is one you need to treat yourself to a delicious cup of joe, turn on some swanky music, grab your journal and settle in.

The info you need to digest in this post is like a 5-course meal. Not a 10-piece Chicken McNugget meal.

Are you ready??



As we go through our events and our stories (remember Session 1?), there is a law of nature that I want you to keep in mind.

According to Keith Kochner of mentorfish.com (to whom all the credit for this series goes to), there are two rules or laws in people.

#1 -- We all have a need to look good.

#2 -- We all have a need to be right.

It is this second law that we're going to be looking at in the next 2 sessions.





As we start -- I want you to grab your journals. Flip to a brand new page.

On the top half of the page, draw a line. Then, on the middle of the line, draw a house.

Under the line, draw two lines going down to the bottom of the page. It should look like this:

Imagine that this house is in a neighborhood. All the people of the neighborhood get together, and they all just want more. More time, more money, more balance. Just MORE.

And so someone in this neighborhood says, "If we all paint our roofs green, we'll have more." The community kinda shrugs. It doesn't really make sense, but no one else has come up with a better idea. Sure enough, one person paints their roof green, then another and another. Soon, everyone has painted their roofs green.

But they don't have more. (Except for more green roofs.)

Finally, someone else ventures that if they just paint all the shutters blue, they'll have more. Sure enough, everyone eventually gets on board, and all the houses soon bear blue shutters.

Except yet again, no one has more.

Keith shared with us that most of us, when we are trying to improve our lives (our houses, if you will), we focus on the surface of our lives. We focus on how-tos (How to be a better person. How to remain positive. 10 steps to significance. 5 must-haves to be productive.) We focus on motivation.

We may as well just be painting the exterior of our houses.

Keith says we have to dig deeper. If we want to change, if we want MORE, we have to look at the foundation of our house.

What you have allowed into your foundation is the basis of everything in your life.


Time to get back to your diagram.

In the left hand column, I want you to write: "Self awareness is the ability to look at the stories in your foundation."

Below this, I want you to write your 3-4 events. Do you remember those?

Now, I really, really want you to get this part.

Our human nature cannot stand for anything to happen to us that does not have meaning. And so we create meaning to each event to make sense of it. 9 times out of 10 we create a negative meaning.

Each event on it's own is neutral. (Now friends, bear with me here. I know most of us have lost a child. And he almost lost me here, because I wanted to yell, "The death of a child is not neutral." So I get you -- just hang on.)

OK, each event in itself is neutral. We attach the meaning. 

Our child's life was important because we believe God has created each life and had purpose for it. We grieve our child because we loved them. We know that each little person is unique and can never be replaced.

You see, we attach meaning based on our views, based on truth of God's word, and with our own emotions.

When a traumatic event happens, we can't stand for it to not have meaning. It goes against our DNA.

And so no only to we attach meaning -- But we create a story that goes with each event based on that meaning.



On your journal, in the middle column, I want you to write "Beliefs."

Now write down some one-word beliefs or meanings that you took from each experience. Some might be positive -- they are not always bad. For the purpose of this exercise, I wrote down some negative beliefs I took from these experiences.

Subconsciously we create these beliefs. And then we turn these beliefs or meanings into a story. Spend some time mediating on what your stories are. To help you, I've written mine out. 

Here are my stories:

Event: Infertility/pregnancy loss

Story: I do not deserve God's blessings that come easily and naturally to everyone else.


Event: HELLP Syndrome

Story: My body cannot be trusted.



Event: Boys breaking up with me in college.

Story:  If someone truly knew who I was on the inside, they would break up with me.


Event: Loss of my promotion and pay raise.

Story: I don't have whatever it takes to be successful. I am found lacking.



OK. Those are my stories.

I want you to take some time now and really contemplate what your stories are. What have you told yourself to be true about your event?

Go reheat your coffee. Hide in the bathroom from your kids if you need to. Do whatever you need to do to get some quiet, some solitude, and a chance to really contemplate your stories.

I'm going to end the post here. I'll go ahead and write the second post now, so if you do this exercise, and you're ready to move forward, it's there waiting for you. But please, do not read ahead without doing this work.

I promised you'd have to do some work -- so here it is.

Good work, girls, getting this far.

See you in Session 4.